WHAT the fuck have I just lived through the past twelve months??
The past year has been a huge rollercoaster of emotion. I've gone from starting the year on a high to being incredibly pissed off by March, being given a great opportunity in April, while ending the year with hope that 2018 will actually be decent one, which I can reflect on with some hope without some pricks ruining it.
The next few paragraphs will most probably offend many, but I don't care, if you've read my rants in the past then you know there's no holding back.
So where do I start? Well lets get the rants out of the way!
What started off as a great, promising year was quickly ruined by an attention seeking possessed doll and someone who couldn't handle the responsibility of their job. But after that was resolved, those people were put in their place when karma kicked their arse.
After that hitch, I still found it hard to get a job because many didn't want a forty-two year old working for them. I was actually told by one employer that I was 'too qualified' for a job. What kind of bullshit excuse is that? Anyway, I soon became a volunteer on a local television show, where I began to fulfil my dream career as an editor and that also saw me go in front of the camera too. And to this day I'm still volunteering and enjoying working on that show. So thank you Dave for the opportunity!
That show also spawned other work as a director (yes you read correctly, a television director) for LUTV, overseeing their home games being broadcasting to international audiences, something I thought would be daunting, but is a great job to do.
Summer kind of flew by, as I began sorting out my future, planning a new business opportunity with a old friend. Some people finally got to see the true colours of one person, and I actually got to see a lot of my daughter, who this year started secondary school (fuck where have the past eleven years gone!?!).
I ended this year, working on a feature as a Digital Imaging Technician (a job which I found a bit boring to be honest) but the cast were great, some I got to know well and some of the production team were a decent bunch too. It was my first feature to work on as a crew member, however the only criticism I have go towards some people on set, who, I have to say need to remove their heads from one's arse. It was the old, if your face fits bollocks.
I have always wanted to pursue a career in film or television and be given the opportunity to do so has been fantastic. However, some aspects of it have been ruined by those who think they're bloody royalty and egos need severely deflating. Even the actors were more down to earth than those people. Personally I can't stand people like that. Seriously, who the hell do you think you are? Sort yourself out and stop ruining the experience for others because of your arrogant attitude towards those you don't really know. If you don't like the look of someone then don't hire them - simple. I was also warned by others in the industry that this can be the case, but to experience it myself serious woke me up to the pricks who don't deserve the work.
Another gripe of 2017, which to be honest makes me laugh and shake my head is the amount of people I have on social media who think their bloody celebrities. Honestly peeps, get a reality check please. If you want fame, then work for it. Stop posing like a dildo thinking your somebody your not. Your attitudes towards others are shocking and stop with the bloody pouting! That happened two years ago, you look like you've just passed wind during a photograph.
Speaking of being social, my social life has been minimum this year. Not because I'm old, but its been down to the lack of friends. Many parted company after the shit storm of 2014, however, a few kept in touch and one in particular 'Terry' you're the brother from another mother. Love you matey! I know we've not had the opportunity to return to your new hometown, but we will I promise.
Also, many "friends" (yes I used speech marks, how very 1990), stopped talking to me when I finally put my foot down on those who repeatedly took the piss out of my generous nature. I've always said, if you scratch my back, I will scratch yours. Sadly, many wanted their back scratching and gave nothing back in return. So when I started saying no to these people, they took the huff and jogged on. I seriously don't have time to selfish people like that in my life.
Before I finish I've got this question to ask.
Why the hell is stupid arsehole still in power? When he was running for President we all thought it was a joke, expecting Hillary Clinton to be the first female President. But after rigging the election (yes he fucking did and the Russians admit it), he won. What the fuck!?! So during his first year at the White House, he has proven to be another Hitler in the making. Seriously! He's a vile racist who if not taken out of power soon will trigger a nuclear war. He's tearing apart everything other Presidents have taken years to achieve. Come on America, get this fucking nazi out of the White House and make America great again.
So, despite it being a mainly shit year, I hope 2018 is so much better for everyone I know, more so for my family as we can do with it. I've worked bloody hard to get the career and life I've longed for and I'm not letting any prick ruin that. You can keep your bullshit to yourself, because the only life its going to ruin is your own.
Its been year since I finished my degree at University and the big question people have asked me over the year is, was it worth leaving your job for? Honestly, now I reflect on things, its not been easy for someone my age and to be honest I wouldn't recommend doing it. Its been a trying year for me emotionally and mentally that has left me feeling very angry.
Those who know me and the job I wasted seventeen years of my life in, knew I had to get out of there. Four years ago, there wasn't many jobs about in my region for someone with my qualifications and experience. If I wanted to pursue a career in the film and television industry, I was told that I needed a degree as my diploma wasn't worth the paper it was written on. So as mentioned in previous blogs, I decided to take that risk and went back to full time education.
My heart has always been set on a career in the entertainment industry as an actor, editor or camera operator. I've dabbled in writing as a hobby, but never thought about doing it as a profession, mainly because my literature skills are questionable thanks to an 80's education system who failed to help struggling students like myself and paid its full attention towards those 'bright' students.
We were deemed the countries rejects and the system treated us that way. There wasn't such a thing as ADHD or anything that like that when we were growing up. If you struggled in class, you labelled a trouble causer who didn't pay attention. But the truth was, we did listen, we did try, but the education system let us down.
I remember a pupil in my English class asking why weren't learning about Shakespeare or other great types of literature. The teacher, Mr Hargreaves said 'We were too thick to understand such masterpieces'. So I actually spoke up and said 'Well your obviously crap at your job and failed us as a teacher if that's what you think of your pupils'. I was dragged out of my seat and frogged marched to the Deputy Head.
(Yes, back then, teachers could batter you without the threat of prosecution. It was there right to do so, apparently).
Anyway, the Deputy Head, Mr Morgan actually sided with me on this one, and I wasn't punished. Instead I was removed from that class and placed in another one, where I did learn about many things instead of copying poetry from text books. I actually began to thrive in certain aspects of English, however, I was still never taught the work of Shakespeare, Wordsworth or even Oscar Wilde.
So now you know why despite writing many scripts and stories, I've never pursued it as a career, mainly because I lack confidence in what I've wrote.
Over the years, I have tried and tried bloody hard to make something of a career in the industry. I've seen friends go for it and become quite successful which I was envious, but was really happy for them, that they got the career they've worked hard for.
When I've tried to get some where, I was always knocked back or offered false promises of work that never came to fruition.
From 2009, I ended up grabbing the bull by its horns and stopped relying on those selfish pricks who had no interest in helping someone else if they weren't going to reap any benefit for themselves. I was being offered a few acting jobs, I managed to get voice-over work on 'The Dark Knight Rises' soundtrack and co-hosted murder mystery meals across the North-east. I was happy again, doing what I wanted to do, but if I wanted to find a solid career in this industry, I had to go back to University to bring my skillset up to date.
The next three years flew by. I ended up with a 2.1 BA degree and no job. That's right, unless I was willing to pack up my life in the North-east and drag my family half way down the country, there were no jobs to apply for in the industry. I was going to spend the next year, scraping by on the bits of work I could get, mainly the odd day of freelance work or works experience which paid nothing more than travel expenses.
So not wanting to fall back into long term unemployment, which to be honest, drove me insane the last time I went without a job. I looked into launching my own company with the help of the Launchpad scheme set up by Teesside University. What a fucking waste of time that was!! I can honestly say to anyone around my age bracket, who has a family to support and is suggesting on doing this plan - DON'T!!!
I was dangled a right dodgy carrot to get me on board and I was an idiot for thinking I could catch it. The only good thing about it, was that I was introduced to a great mentor, who sadly agrees with me on the way we've both been treated throughout the process.
I was promised funding that equated to six months pay, to help me during my start up process. Never got it! The same month I joined, the application form wasn't available and six months later, resurfaced with different rules on how applicants received this funding. I went for it and was told I didn't qualify.
All the funding that was promised, never surfaced and was later scrapped after changes were made to the scheme. I was trying to start a business, which became very hard to do with broken promises. Not even key staff would answer your emails of enquires without a kick up the arse.
Now I feel like I've had my entire time wasted as I've been told that my privileges are being withdrawn and I'm no longer entitled to the mentoring I was promised at the start. What the fuck??? Why? Because of the whole system has yet again changed. You no longer get the opportunities originally offered to you. You now have to go on a workshop over a six week period, which at the end of it, you have to pitch for funding which your not guaranteed on getting. So you put in all that time and effort in for nothing. You come away with a little more knowledge on how to run your business and that's it! How can someone with my priorities do such as thing? I need a job or funding to help support my family while I try to make ends meet. Its all about tick the boxes and make ourselves look good bullshit!
The same can be said about some companies. Even though many will deny it, but agism is vast within employment. Many companies aren't interested in the experienced anymore. Its more about exploiting the young so they can be paid less and save the company money. I've applied for so many jobs over the past year, and I've only had two companies come back to me, either with an interview or to tell me I was unsuccessful getting to the interview stage.
One company I applied to was a thriving production company here in the North-east. I ticked all the boxes for a job that was being offered, so I applied. I was refused an interview. Why? Because of my age! They'll deny it, but I actually spoke to someone on the interview board, who later saw my resume and openly admitted I was ideal for the job and it was likely that the manager, who is in his twenties, didn't want anyone older than him working for the company, hence why he withdrew my application. I even offered my freelance services via their website and have been told, thanks but no thanks.
Out of desperation and hoping a full-time job may come of it, I applied for a three month internship at the University in a job I was more than qualified to do and along with a colleague and former class mate, actually did a sterling job. However, that great experience ended badly, and is something I now whole heartedly regret accepting thanks to all the bullshit that occurred in the last two weeks, which I can't go into detail for legal reasons.
The only bit of positivity that's come of my career move, is that I have managed to get the odd bit of work experience, working for the BBC and Sky, but if I wanted to add to the experience to boost my resume, I've had to do a lot of voluntary work, which to be honest, I haven't minded doing because I enjoy doing the work and its been local so I've not been that much out of pocket. Its this type of work, which has landed me an editing job as well as television presenting on a local tv channel. Yeah it still doesn't help pay the bills, but its my foot in the door and I've got there because of my own persistence and fucking off those who have wasted my time.
So overall, all I can say is that, yeah I do mainly regret going back into full-time education, especially in the industry I want to pursue a career in. As I've said I've got a lot of the work myself, but if your aged around thirty and over, thinking about a move back into full-time education, have a bloody good look into whether or not its going to be worth it, especially if you've got a family to support. Unless your in an ideal situation to move your family to London, then don't do it! Its been hell! Too many false promises and being shit on from a great height.
